I may* be slightly over-grumpy on account of having a stinking cold that's left me working on spreadsheets while cats shout at me every time I sneeze, but really, today does seem to have been blighted by some remarkable tech-related news.
First, from the BBC: First human 'infected with computer virus'. Or rather "researcher implants infected chip in own hand seeking publicity, gets it". If I put a copy of back orifice on a USB key then shoved it somewhere appropriate yet uncomfortable would that make me the first human to suffer a rootkit attack? No, it'd make me a berk.
Next, from the Guardian: a story that could be more accurately summarised as "man writes web tool that, for most users, doesn't work". Woo. However, because HTML5 is associated with the magic iPad, it makes a national newspaper blog. Do you know what I miss? XHTML. It was going to revolutionise the web back in 2001 or so, then what happened to it? *Utters wistful sigh and dreams of CSS positioning with the Tantek Celic box-model hack for IE5*
And finally from the Telegraph: Mobile phone number suspended after three users die in 10 years. Or rather, mobile phone number used by three notable rich people in Bulgaria, two of whom were criminals, is not currently in use (it's "understood to have been dormant" and "phone bosses are said to have suspended" it. Who said that? Fuck knows. Maybe it was Elvis. Maybe Elvis has the phone, on Mars, and that's why it's out of network range when called.)
At least the article doesn't quite go as far as to conclude that the phone killed them, as then we'd have to send around the tape of Lisa Simpson and her tiger-repellant rock.
* Am. Certainly.