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Helen snapped (what's the moving-picture equivalent of snapping?) this video of Hunter on a camcorder I'm reviewing, and I've found myself entranced by Hunter's CRAZY BIG EYES. For the full effect, watch it in splendiferous 1080i* High Def here on Vimeo.

Sorry about the weirdy crap cut at the end, by the way. It appears to be a side effect of the rather cheap video editing software included with the camera (and I've lost my copy of Premiere, sob).

* I know, I know. It can't do 720p for some reason.

Two-cats-per-basket cold.

We haven't slept much this past fortnight, and it's all Ralph's fault.

Ever since we adopted Hunter and Ralph they've been surprisingly well behaved at night. They may have slept in some inappropriate and bizarre places (notably, on the hob), but they've always snoozed away the hours. Recently, though, Ralph has become nocturnal.

The fun usually starts at about midnight, and it goes like this:

Miow.

Miow.

(Pause)

Miiiow?

Miiiiiiiooouw?

(Pause for effect, and then..)

BBBBBBBRRRRRR-HOOOOONK?

BBBBBBBRRRRRR-HOOOOONK?

It's hard to describe this last noise. It's a new one Ralph has learnt, and it sounds like a child who, having stolen a bullhorn, cautiously winds it up before letting rip with a noise that could keep ships safely away from rocky shores. After four or five honks he will, if ignored, calm down for ten minutes, but then the whole performance is repeated.

And why does he do it? Because he wants his tummy tickled, apparently. Open the door and he'll roll over, paws akimbo, writhing and grinning with expectation. The big, fluffy, adorable twat.

Naturally, students of history as we are, we first attempted appeasement. Then we attempted to ignore him. After that failed, we've attempted to chastise him by night and exhaust him by day. So far, no joy. I'm beginning to think that the only creature capable of stopping this is Hunter, who misses his beauty sleep.

Hunter takes off – in HD from Tom Royal on Vimeo.

Hunter does his bit for science, helping me test the EX-F1's 60fps mode. This was shot as 60 6mp JPEGs in a one second burst and then smooshed onto the interweb, hence the dubious image quality (technical smooshing details: JPEG images resized to 960×1,280px in Photoshop, stitched into an AVI with JPEGVideo, converted to H.264 in Quicktime Pro then uploaded).

(NB – he did actually land safely about a second later. And he caught the snake, too.)

Ralph, to camera: "So, this is the dining room. We don't actually eat here, much – I can't cook – but my interior designer picked out this furniture for me. It's Italian. You know, when I was growing up on the mean streets of Bexley, I had to share a box with all my brothers so, you know, I feel blessed to have this one to myself…"

For the record, I spent pretty much all of Saturday doing that washing. Thanks, Ralph.

• Saturday, 05:00 (recurring) – Wake up. Make yelping noise to rouse staff.
• Saturday, 05.20 – Staff remain asleep. Add new event, Monday, 10am: advertise for new staff. Snooze.
• Saturday, 07:00 (recurring) – Wake up. Make yelping noise to rouse staff. Scratch door. Honk.
• Saturday, 09:00 – Staff finally appear, serve breakfast. Tuna. Cancel advert for new staff – the chef, at least, is competent if not punctual.
• Saturday, 09.30 – Engage with Ralph in FURIOUS FIVE MINUTE DEATH CHASE. Knock stuff over. Crash into fridge. Pounce. Repeat as required.
• Saturday, 09:35 – Ralph wins. Snooze.
• Saturday, 11:00 – Relocate to large chair. Persuade staff to tickle fluffy ears. Roar, snort, make boxing fists with fluffy paws, snooze.
• Saturday, 14:00 – Relocate to sunny spot in exact centre of kitchen floor. Snooze, interrupted only when staff trip over inert form.
• Saturday, 15:30 – SNAKE ALERT. Home invaded again by fluffy snake. Display aerial superiority by leaping through air, catch snake, grizzle. Once threat contained, growl at Ralph.
• Saturday, 16:00 – Snooze with snake corpse.
• Saturday, 16:30 – Awake. Snake has, once again, mysteriously disappeared. Interrorage Ralph. Ralph claims that snake is employed by staff – quickly dismiss this ludicrous idea.
• Saturday, 16:35 – A realisation: Ralph clearly in league with snake. Use last of energy for ineffective stinkfight with Ralph.
• Saturday, 17:00 – Staff heading into banquet hall. Rush in for dinner. If dinner not served, repeat every 15 minutes until dinner finally appears.
• Saturday, 19:00 – Finally, dinner. Inhale cod chunks. Commence two hour cleaning ritual.
• Saturday, 20:00 – Interrupt cleaning to stink up bathroom. Scratch floor outside litterbox. More cleaning.
• Saturday, 21:00 – Staff monopolizing large bed, watching the Ray Mears window (Mears currently nowhere to be seen – make note to watch for him tomorrow). Push staff out of way to create sleeping space.
• Saturday, 21:30 – Sleep.

Sunday: As per Saturday, so far, but with an earlier start. No idea why they're waking up so early this week, but it's exhausting.

We took Hunter and Ralph to the vet for their 12 month / 730 meal service this week. This is always somewhat traumatic as, cloistered house cats that they are, they find the noise and bustle of the outside world rather terrifying. Both started doing that honking emergency call that scared kittens do (it's horrible – like a feline air raid siren) and Ralph hid himself under a blanket, peeking out only when he spotted Hunter in the other cat carrier.

Fortunately both are doing fine and Ralph, who was a bit porky last time, has shed a whole Kilogram, putting him back at his ideal weight. Hunter looks bigger but, as the vet put it, that's just the fluff – he's actually a size zero.